Divorced Playbook

Ep 41: S.T.O.P. Collaborate & Listen

March 31, 2021 Divorced Playbook Episode 41
Divorced Playbook
Ep 41: S.T.O.P. Collaborate & Listen
Chapters
Divorced Playbook
Ep 41: S.T.O.P. Collaborate & Listen
Mar 31, 2021 Episode 41
Divorced Playbook

Today's episode focuses on #15 of our 21 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Life.

Distress Tolerance - S.T.O.P., which stands for:
Stop/Stay in control, (23:00)
Take a step back, (27:30)
Observe, (35:30)
Proceed Mindfully (44:10)


With Easter coming up, and possibly being the first time in 18 months that families can gather for a major holiday, we discuss the importance of limiting stressful situations, and dealing with conflict when it arises.

We talk about the idea of Wise Mind, where the Emotional Mind — thoughts we have based on emotion and feelings — intersects with the Reasonable Mind — the area of the mind for rational thoughts.

Wise Mind is a combination of knowing and feeling something is true and valid.

Download our guide. Here are some quotes:

14:00 - "When you feel like you’re self aware, and you realize you’re not, it’s like devastating. Because then you have no idea. Then you question everything."

17:00 - "I’m constantly asking people in my life, ‘how am I doing? How am I coming across?’"

18:00 - "The idea of being right and being righteous are not the same. You could be right, but you have to play along with other people. But when you’re righteous about it, it’s like, ‘no, this is the way. Everyone follow me. This is the way,’ and some people aren’t going to follow you if you say that."

50:00 - "Just because we don’t have the loudest platform or voice box at this moment doesn’t mean we can’t change the world. And by changing the world, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to change the entire world. It doesn’t mean that you have to have millions of people following you. If you’re affecting one other human, you’ve changed somebody’s world."

59: 30 - "I’m going to look at it and say, ‘did I make the world a better place in my time?’ And, again, my point is I’m focused on making THE world a better place, instead of making MY world a better place. And that’s a mistake."

1:01:00 - "I think the goal in life is to make THE world, whether that’s the world you can see and you interact with every day a better place, or slightly larger, whatever it is — it’s the definition of what you want it to be, which is the world. 

Our job, in addition to just being parents, is to try to make the world a better place when we leave it than when we got here. It doesn’t say you’ve got to impact millions or billions. It doesn’t say you’ve got to have a whole pile of cash in the bank, or whatever it is. You’ve just got to leave the world a better place than it was when you got here. I don’t think that that’s so overwhelming, and I think a lot of people think they need to do more. 

If I leave the world a better place than when I got into it, then I’ve done something right."

Show Notes

Today's episode focuses on #15 of our 21 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Life.

Distress Tolerance - S.T.O.P., which stands for:
Stop/Stay in control, (23:00)
Take a step back, (27:30)
Observe, (35:30)
Proceed Mindfully (44:10)


With Easter coming up, and possibly being the first time in 18 months that families can gather for a major holiday, we discuss the importance of limiting stressful situations, and dealing with conflict when it arises.

We talk about the idea of Wise Mind, where the Emotional Mind — thoughts we have based on emotion and feelings — intersects with the Reasonable Mind — the area of the mind for rational thoughts.

Wise Mind is a combination of knowing and feeling something is true and valid.

Download our guide. Here are some quotes:

14:00 - "When you feel like you’re self aware, and you realize you’re not, it’s like devastating. Because then you have no idea. Then you question everything."

17:00 - "I’m constantly asking people in my life, ‘how am I doing? How am I coming across?’"

18:00 - "The idea of being right and being righteous are not the same. You could be right, but you have to play along with other people. But when you’re righteous about it, it’s like, ‘no, this is the way. Everyone follow me. This is the way,’ and some people aren’t going to follow you if you say that."

50:00 - "Just because we don’t have the loudest platform or voice box at this moment doesn’t mean we can’t change the world. And by changing the world, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to change the entire world. It doesn’t mean that you have to have millions of people following you. If you’re affecting one other human, you’ve changed somebody’s world."

59: 30 - "I’m going to look at it and say, ‘did I make the world a better place in my time?’ And, again, my point is I’m focused on making THE world a better place, instead of making MY world a better place. And that’s a mistake."

1:01:00 - "I think the goal in life is to make THE world, whether that’s the world you can see and you interact with every day a better place, or slightly larger, whatever it is — it’s the definition of what you want it to be, which is the world. 

Our job, in addition to just being parents, is to try to make the world a better place when we leave it than when we got here. It doesn’t say you’ve got to impact millions or billions. It doesn’t say you’ve got to have a whole pile of cash in the bank, or whatever it is. You’ve just got to leave the world a better place than it was when you got here. I don’t think that that’s so overwhelming, and I think a lot of people think they need to do more. 

If I leave the world a better place than when I got into it, then I’ve done something right."